No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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