I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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