What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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