Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
