Barsexuality is the new black.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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