Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
