hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
