I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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