my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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