remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
