What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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