So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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