break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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