we're chasing vodka with high fives
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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