It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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