Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I touched a dick in church today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
