i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Randomize
