Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
