My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
