Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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