I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
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I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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