someone get that fucking seahorse.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
