I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
