I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
