If that was your dad, he is hot
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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