im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Boobs speak an international language.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
