Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
