i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
