We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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