guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she smelled like a LAN party
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
