so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
