No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
