Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
