I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
