i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
