I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
