he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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