I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just googled if crying burns calories
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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