i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
