Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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