Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
