im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
