just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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