Will you blow on my dice?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
