Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
