Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
