You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
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So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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