You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
