Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
