best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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