Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
