guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
