So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm having to shit out rocks
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
