i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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