peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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