He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
