As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
