I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
