Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
