Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
