gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
