you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize