We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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