So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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