Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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