This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This baby is an asshole
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
