Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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