Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
