Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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