she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize