At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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