The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
