dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
