I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
