I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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