i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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