Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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