We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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