hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
