Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
